Dear Hayley,

My teenage daughter's sleep schedule is completely reversed. On top of that she hasn’t been outside since the pandemic started and she isolates in her bedroom. We are tired and just want our daughter back. Where do we start? 

Scoop from the parents. Since COVID first began there was a significant increase in my daughter's anxiety, she distanced herself from all of her friends and hardly interacts with anyone but me. Both my husband and I have tried everything, but her anxiety around being in public is severe and her unwillingness to work with any therapists isn’t helping either. I need her to get better sleep and be able go out in the world again - she hasn’t even left to go to the family doctor.

My take. Start by meeting her where she’s at. That means approaching her experience from a place of compassion, and leave your own judgments at the door. 

Being inside for such a long period of time alone is going to have a significant impact on her mental and physical health. You can begin by acknowledging and validating her fears, and the thoughts that are keeping her so isolated. 

A good time to start this conversation would be at night, especially because her sleep cycle is reversed. She is already up at night and likely will be more receptive to discussion and planning. Suggest an achievable goal, like getting fresh air. Point out the perks of a little outing, and in her case why not suggest a midnight walk, after dark?

The perks: It will be quiet, next to no people will be around and it’s something you can do together.